Week 13: Karl's First Game

It's Crazy! Week 13 included Friday the 13th. That's probably why we lost our first game. Oh, I almost forgot. In case you haven't heard, Karl is writing this entry once again. For those of you who are very well educated (not my family or friends besides my mom), please disregard any grammatical or spelling errors. I want to start a new tradition this week (I just hope that Brittney can keep up with it). We always talk about how different the language is; so for now on, we are going to have a non-American word of the week. If you request it, we will also add non-American cooking terms of the week as well. It's up to you.

The inaugural word of the week is:

Stuffed (stuft)

Stuffed can be used in many ways. The first ways are in the traditional American sense: stuffing a turkey or being stuffed after a meal. Australians also use stuffed as a verb: "Get stuffed!" This basically means, "Go F$%* yourself" in American terms. You can also say that you stuffed up. This just means that you messed up. Another way to use stuffed is by saying, "I'm so unfit...I chased the dog around yesterday for about 30 seconds and I was stuffed."

So as you can see, Stuffed is a very fun word that can be used in many different forms. I'm sure that I'm missing a few, but who cares? If you feel the need to tell me how I stuffed up this word of the week bit, you can get stuffed yourself.

With that being said, here is the story of our last week, and the big loss on Sunday.

I'll start with a quick synopsis of our week because it wasn't too terribly exciting, and then I'll fill you in on the game. There will also be pictures posted from the game and a couple other experiences from this week.

Ready?

Here we go!

Thursday was pretty lame besides the fact that I walked off the practice field because our team is a bunch of morons. We were having a great practice, and halfway through we started to prepare for the offensive part of the game. It turned out that not one guy on the team knew a single play. We've been doing the same plays for the month straight. It must be too complicated. Who knows. I walked off and told them that I wasn't going to play if they didn't learn their plays. I also told them that we were having an extra practice the following day. Aren't I a tyrant? Who knows if Brittney did anything worthwhile on Thursday.

Friday: Brittney finished her first of 4 papers. Actually, it happened Thursday, but we had to fill in this day. With something other than a crappy practice.

Saturday: I worked for 10 hours pushing millions of shopping carts (trolley as they call them here) on the eve of my Australian debut (pronounce deboo in this backwards little place). Brittney on the other hand had a wonderful day. She went to a Rotary function where she met other Americans doing the same thing as her, and they invited her and I (reluctantly) to a party. She graciously accepted without consulting me, of course, but who am I if she's the better half? Don't answer, it's rhetorical. After that, she got to play with exotic animals while I was still working. She was rather excited about holding a ginormous python. All that I know is that when she was telling me the story afterward, I felt rather inadequate as a husband. Don't we all? Again, rhetorical. There should be pictures posted at some point of the python.

Sunday: What a bummer! We'll come back to Sunday. Nothing else went on after the game. We just got some burgers and beer, and I showered n' stuff.

Monday: I worked in trailer park central pushing trolleys. Brittney gave another thrilling Rotary presentation about Kentucky. And that's about it.

Tuesday: I worked and practiced. Brittney cheated on me and then went to class. I would have cheated too if I were her. Did you see that python? How can I compete.

Today: Wednesday: We went to Rotary and ate for free. Then I went to practice while Brittney continued her love affair. She typed papers basically.

So, that was our week in a blog page.

Now for the ever so joyous occasion of reliving the most embarrassing football performance in a long, long time (in a Galaxy not so far away).

It was a crisp Autumn day. The leaves had not yet begun to change colors (probably because they don't here). And the dew was beginning to dry from the grass. The air did not smell of freshly cut grass or the hot summer mornings that I'm used to at the start of the football season. Instead the air was filled with dust and a fowl stench that you can only find in Terre Haute, IN or Australia. After driving around for 30 minutes we finally found the playing field. Hidden far from the rest of the world in a tiny corner of an unknown college campus. I stepped onto the field to find that the lines were painted black and the new playing surface was covered in dust. The field was hard, dry and unforgiving that day, but we played anyways.

We showed up as a team, expectations soaring into the unknown. We had no idea of what type of performance was laid out in front of us. We walked through some last minute plays and formations on the field because some of the players had never actually stepped onto or seen a lined football field in their entire lives (not even on the Telly).

After changing into our make-shift uniforms, we made our way back out onto the field for warm-ups. The other team was still not there 40 minutes before kickoff. My confidence began to increase as we began our stretches. We looked like a team (for the most part), and we practiced like we knew what was going on (for the most part). Even though some of our guys had on different uniforms from the rest of the team, we still looked ready for battle.

We were receiving the ball to start. After a lousy kick and a decent return, I led the troops out onto the field of battle. For the first couple of plays everyone had some jitters. We didn't get much yardage in the first few plays, but we still plowed ahead for a first down. After a long penalty, we were within striking distance. But as it turns out, we weren't quite close enough because we still haven't practiced kicking field goals. Fourth down came and went, and our most successful drive was brought to a crashing halt. They took over and scored on their first possession. They scored on their second possesion as well. And again on the third. Probably again on the fourth and maybe even on the fifth. Luckily for them it was now halftime.

There was one guy on their team that dominated the whole game. He was a Samoan man-child by the name of Louie. We couldn't even manage to block the big bastard with two guys. Did I mention that our offensive line sucks?

Too long of a story short...We showed some life in the third quarter, but their experience and "talent" prevailed in the end. The reason talent is in quotes is because there isn't much talent here. They're slow, don't know what they're doing, and half of them were probably still drunk from the night before. After the game, Brittney said to me, "They tackle like a bunch of...that word I don't like to use" (it's part of the female anatomy and it does NOT rhyme with bunt).

The final gun sounded after I capped off another spectacular 30 yard drive by throwing an interception.

So, for a final recap of statistics:

I got sacked a lot. They scored a lot. We didn't score. But we showed signs of a heartbeat. And I probably led the team in rushing (even after the lost yardage on the sacks). Oh yeah, and I threw an interception.

Maybe I'm just a crappy coach, or maybe it's someone else's fault. Either way, we're a TEAM, and right now WE suck. I hope this was a learning experience, and I hope that we never see Louie again on the field. The fat bastard was fast too. Thanks for reading, and I hope this was entertaining enough. If that wasn't entertaining, I'll show you the bruises from next week's game.

Ooroo,

Kaal "The Hamma" Malowski

Almost forgot...Blackhawks 0 Crusaders 40