The week after the one that just passed (Karl)

Call me Santa Claus, because you guys get to be entertained by the greatest author to ever....I'll think about that one and get back to you.

Anyways, Brittney's being lazy as usual. All she talks about is this thesis thing. Well, her side-trackedness has brought us together on this blog page once again. You think she'd care more about her readers than to have me (of all people) write to update you two weeks in a row.

This week was quite possibly the best week we've had here in Australia. Shortly after I filled out last week's rap sheet, we parted to Cairns. For those of you who don't know, Cairns (pronounced Cans in Australia) is home to the Great Barrier Reef and many mountains and rain forests.

We left Thursday night, but before that, I had to make some money to feed my daughter....Just kidding. But I did have to make some money nonetheless. If you recall from one of my previous entries, I was signed up to exercise for money. After running some tests on me a few weeks prior, they decided that I was dumb enough to be one of their test subjects. All I had to do was ride a bike with one leg for close to 4 hours (in one day) and lift weights with the same leg the next. I received a minimum of $500, and I was able to earn more money depending on how well I performed on the bike. No, silly, I didn't have to do tricks....but I did. Basically, on day 1 I earned over $200 of extra cash. On Day 2, a licensed doctor cut me open and took muscle samples from my legs (plural) before, during, and after the weight training. Even though you weren't supposed to be able to earn any extra money on Day 2, I was given an extra 50 bucks without having to perform homosexual acts of any sort. I earned the money because they screwed up taking my muscle sample the first time and had to do it again. All they did was take a 4 inch needle...(well, not really a needle, but more like a steel pen. And when I say pen, I only mean the part that holds the ink)...and stick it into my leg 9 times in the right and 12 in the one that they screwed-up. Quite an exciting experience. The guy next to me screamed the entire time. What a sook! Anyways, whoever had the best performance on the bike can earn another $250. I don't know if I won it yet, but I'm at least in 2nd. The guy riding after me did pretty well. I should win though. If I do, in fact win, I will have earned over $1000, my friends.

So, yeah, after that, we had to pack for our adventure. And what an adventure it turned out to be...

The cab arrived at the dorm just in time for my wounds to start bleeding profusely from my legs. I had a hard time controlling the bleeding, but my jeans soaked it up quite nicely. I called the doctor who worked on me and everything ended up just fine. We got to the airport on time, and departed for Cairns. Once in Cairns, our host of the Bed and Breakfast we stayed at picked us up from the airport. We told him of our bloody mess, and he asked a number of questions. It turns out that he's actually a nurse. Both he and his wife are nurses, as a matter of fact. In the end, I was in good hands. It was quite lucky because I bled for the next 2-3 days. And I even went swimming with sharks...

The B&B was the best accommodation I have ever stayed in. We were in a remote area, about 15 minutes from the city, situated in a tropical rainforest. We were served breakfast on a covered deck over looking a pool, stream, and of course the rain forest. Sooooo relaxing. Our host, Ivan, helped us plan our tours around the city, mountains, rainforests, and yes, the Great Barrier Reef. His wife had just left for a 10 day trip and his two children entertained us when they were around. The first day was spent relaxing and planning.

On the second day, we got up for breakfast at about 6:30 in the morning so we could catch our tour bus at 7:20. The bus ended up being close to 2 hours late, and we did NOT receive any type of reimbursement! We weren't too happy, but we got some good pictures. On top of that, I didn't have to do any driving (unlike our last trip). All in all, it was a good trip, but we could have done it on our own if we rented a car.

Day three was Sunday, our wedding anniversary! One year, to be exact....

Let me just say one thing (maybe not just one). I had 5 guys stand up in my wedding, and not one of them wrote or called to wish me a happy anniversary. I know we're men, but seriously, I thought I was nice to make you guys feel like I liked you. The girls' side was a lot better. Brittney actually received 3 out of 5 bridesmaids congratulatory emails. My mother and aunt remembered, as well as the two women Brittney was cloned from (her mom and grandmother). But I'm still shocked and appalled by the lack of effort put forth by my friends. SHOCKED AND APPALLED!!!!

...Back to the story! On day three, Sunday, our anniversary, we took a cruise to the Great Barrier Reef. We got some color, went snorkeling, went on a guided walk around the island we stayed on, ate a huge lunch, and the best part of all, we went SCUBA DIVING!!!! It was so cool. We got to swim with all the fish from Finding Nemo (except the Nemo Fish of course). UNREAL!!! It was a Great Day topped off with some great...............Dinner! The original restaurant we wanted to go to was fully booked, so we went to an Italian place overlooking the Ocean. It was a peaceful end to a thrilling day.

Day 4 found us traveling farther north into more rain forests and Cape Tribulation. We took another guided tour, which turned out to be the best tour of the weekend. Our guide was excellent, and we made some 50 something friends along the way. A group of 6 women traveling together jumped on board and lightened up our trip. They were so spastic that you couldn't help but laugh with them.

When you get around to looking at the pictures, Cape Tribulation does not look like much. If you ask people what the significance of the cape is, often they'll just say that it's the farthest north you can go in a normal car. In actuality, it's far from it. Cape Tribulation has a great, long, boring story about how it got it's name, but the thing that makes it so spectacular is that it's the only point in the world that two World Heritage sites meet up. If you don't know what a World Heritage site is, you're not alone. All it means is that it's a major National Park (no one can touch it). The two sites that come together are the Great Barrier Reef and the Daintree Rain forest. It's really not too terribly exciting to look at, but it's an empty, white sandy beach looking out at a deep blue ocean with a luscious green forest at your back. Pretty cool! During the tour we stopped at a secluded little place to eat lunch. Again, we ate by a river, this time on a wooden benches in a much more isolated part of the area. On top of that, we were the only one's there. Magnificent!

Day 5 was our last day on the trip. We went into some more rain forests by way of a Skyrail. It's basically a ski-lift on steroids. Since the Skyrail goes through a protected part of the forest, no cars were allowed in to during its construction. The workers had to go in on foot, and the equipment was brought in by helicopter.

It was a relaxing trip with waterfalls and beautiful trees to look at. The highlight of the trip was me playing the didjeridoo and not buying it! haha. Actually, Brittney got to hold a koala. The picture we paid for sucked, but they took a picture of the both of us with the koala with our camera for free. Not a bad deal, and those pictures turned out pretty well.

So, reluctantly, we made it home, and I have to go back to work tomorrow with my scarred legs. NO WORRIES MATE! I just spent a week in one of the most beautiful places in the world with the most beautiful woman in the world! I'm an ass kisser! haha.

We've got some great pictures and great souvenirs, it's just too bad we had to leave. Oh well! We'll be home soon. Thanks for reading. Sorry if it wasn't as exciting as you hoped for. If you want, you can show your friends the picture of my leg and say that I was attacked by a crocodile! That would be soooooo cool, mate! Talk to ya's later.

Kaal

Words of the Week

One of these words you probably already know, but it's a fun Aussie/British word used to describe myself on occasion. Before you read further, you should be warned that this part will be PG 13.

After we sat in front of the Bed and Breakfast for 2 hours, our tour bus finally showed up. The wanker driving the bus blamed the whole mess up on us. Well, I wasn't in the mood for his shenanigans so I told him to get out of the car so I could beat the hell out of him. Of course, he curled up like the little poofter that he is and apologized for his rudeness.

So, what have we learned to day, boys and girls?

Wanker is a term used to describe someone who is less than pleasant. Australians pronounce it like wank-a. Americans might use the term dickhead or sonofabitch.

Poofter is a term used to describe someone who is afraid, weak, or a bit feminine. Australians pronounce it like poof-ta. American males might use a term that describes a part of a woman's anatomy or a cat....Pussy! The American version is Pussy! Can't you read between the lines for crying out loud!?